23 years old.
I'm an extremist. I have to deal with my own extreme personality and I walk the fine line of wanting to die and to be the extreme ruler of it all ;DXH
This is the first thing I have actually sat down to draw in a very long time.
It’s kind of a funny story because the pen I am using to draw it is one of my favorite pens of all time. (I know. That’s kind of weird? Not really I don’t think. But I have this weird OCD about pens. But I am going to digress.) I haven’t used that type of pen in quite a while, it feels like. So, I’ve been writing with it, signing receipts, you know, getting to know my old friend again.
Enough of the pen though, I apologize. I am truly going to digress now to the main attraction here. For a while now I’ve been infatuated with rocks, and cliffs, mountains, just the textures, the shadows, the optical illusion that they are. It just caught my eye. So I’ve had it in the bag of my mind. But last night; with the right mixture of vodka and resin from a pipe, I finally had the desire to draw. Which I have not had quite some time. I don’t want that to seem that I can get inspired/draw when under the influence. Even sober I have not had the desire of late. The reason unknown. But the fact that I have finally had that passion, that desire, the concentration again was a sigh of relief.
So I get there. I finally get that point again. I pull out a piece of paper and my pen and just get going to town. My friend Bruce that I was hanging out with was smoking cigarettes with me, drinking, just having a good time, was giving me different options to take the drawing. Not telling me what I should do. Because that’s a huge pet peeve. But showing me different aveunes and tangets I could take. And I appreciated that.
So where it’s at right now. (It’s NO where near finished.) It’s an eagle bursting out of a cliff. And when I get to thinking about it. I guess I found a significant metaphor into what was being drawn out. I am leaving Texas. My home, my rock if you will. And I leaving it for the big city. NYC. New York Fucking City. It’s time to fly. It’s time to live my life. And I know I will do nothing short of that.
I haven’t this kind of introspective epiphany in quite some time. And I am glad I was able to recognize it. I don’t want to miss out on milestones as such as these in my life. I’ve taken advantage of them for far too long. But I need a new start. I am just beginning to live. And I will be something. To myself, to someone else, to a community, to the world. I don’t care. But my life has meaning and I will always remember that. My life is the possession that I own. Something that is completely mine. So I will reject society with telling me what I should or shouldn’t do.
I am not going to let the machine dictate and define me.
I will stand up and fight for redemption. I will fight for my life.